Where The Hell Was I Born? Dinosaur Land??? LOLZ!!!

I can be pretty forgetful at times. Often, downright crazy! After all, I am but a man.

Sometimes I even forget where I was born! lol! Like these jackasses that NPR is talking about. Why don't they believe that I was born in Hawaii? Better yet, are these the same people that think I'm a MUSLIM?! LOL!

Maybe they're pissed off that I was born in Hawaii! Maybe - and i mean just MAYBE - they think Hawaii is the land of terrorism! Where Jihad was born!

(Speaking of which - where was Mr. Jihad born anyway? I may never know. Oh well.)

Anyway, I might not know much about Muslims, but I know that I was born in Hawaii. NOT DINOSAUR LAND. Sometimes I wish I was born in Dinosaur Land, so I wouldn't have to potentially ruin people's lives to watch them fight each other, but oh well! lol! If people didn't want dinosaurs roaming the earth, they shouldn't have voted for me.

I'm going to brush my teeth and get ready to be President of the United States of America until 5pm. BYE!!!

Hi, I'm Barack Obama: America's First Racist Black President

Glenn Beck is so funny. I love the guy! He always makes me laugh, haha! So, I was slightly confused when I saw the following:



I don't understand! :( Why would he say those things about me?! He's always so funny on Fox News. All he does is make jokes!

But not today. Today, Glenn Beck called me a racist.

Now, I can hide a lot of things about myself. For example: not many people know that I smoke cigarettes (did I quit yet? I can't remember!) and that I didn't really close Guantanamo Bay. The New York Times said that - I never said that! lol!

And STILL - NO ONE KNOWS that I'm trying to revive dinosaurs to fight each other! And I even write a BLOG about it! Haha! Oh dear. Sometimes I'm so funny that it makes me want to beat up Rahm Emmanuel.

But not today, oh no! Today I have to drink beer with a cop and a black scholar. Actually, maybe that's next week. I have no idea! Haha! Someone else gets paid to worry about that, so I'm just going to go play Rock Band and take a quick nap before I save the world. BYE!!!

Oh, also - I believe what Glenn MEANT to say was that I'm a 'reverse racist.' Maybe that would've actually been funny. Oh well. BYE!!!

Bad Paintings Of Me, Barack Obama: America's First Black President

After waking up next to a puddle of Hillary Clinton's vomit this morning, I decided to go find Beau, the presidential puppy. He ran up to me, licked my hand that was holding a lit cigarette, and burned his tongue on it. I laughed at him and called him an idiot. I shorted my cigarette, petted him for a while, and retreated to the Oval Office to play some Rock Band.

When I got there, I found Sonia Sotomayor face down on the Rock Band drum kit fast asleep. I guess she was up all night trying to beat some Dave Grohl jams on expert! I laughed at her. Then, I grabbed Joe Biden's cage and put him in the garbage because I thought he was looking at me funny. I sure taught him a lesson!

"SQUAAAAAAAAAWK! NUMBER TWO JOE BIDEN! SQUAAAAAAAAAAWK!"

That's what I listened to while I fell asleep at my desk for an early morning nap. Oh, and a snippet of Nirvana's "Breed" from the un-played Rock Band that was never turned off. Occasionally, Sonia shifted in her chair, and eventually fell out of it. I woke up to laugh, yawned, and then I slept for a few more hours. It was awesome!

After wiping the sleep away from my eyes, I decided to find out some things about myself on the Internet. Nothing about dinosaurs... yet! I remembered seeing a horrible painting of me one time when I was running for president, so I decided to Google: Bad Paintings Of Barack Obama. Sure enough, there were lots of really bad paintings of me! Check a few of them out here.

I want to thank Jon Edwards for sending me that link. He's such a silly goose! BYE!!!

Oh wait... I guess that means I didn't Google it. I guess that makes me a liar. Oh well. BYE!!!