Hi, my name is Barack Obama, and I'm the President of the United States of America. My main objective while in office is to revive dinosaurs. It sounds like it'd be awesome to watch dinosaurs fight each other, but I'll never know until I personally enforce policies to make that happen. Also, I've decided to rework the fiscal budget to include research funding for genetically modifying said dinosaurs so that they all grow giant boobs. I think that would be really funny.I called my friend Nancy Pelosi the other day about it, and she said the people of America might not be prepared for such forward thinking. I told her to forward this email I just forwarded her from my daughter Sasha of a video of an elephant painting a self-portrait. That shit was crazy!
After I got off the horn with Nancy, I called up my number two, Joe Biden, to see if he wanted to play Rock Band in the Oval Office. He said something about a 'foreign policy meeting,' but I fell asleep before he finished his sentence 'cause it was so boring! When I woke up, I went to the bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror until the phone imprint on my face COMPLETELY disappeared.
Then I went back to my desk and Googled "dinosaurs with giant boobs." Needless to say, I didn't find what I was looking for, so I called Michelle to see if she was too busy to drop what she was doing and play Rock Band with me in the Oval Office. She said she couldn't, but she informed me that Joe Biden had lied about his foreign policy meetings. He was actually racing Rahm Emmanuel through the Pentagon and the loser had to drunkenly make out with Hillary Clinton. It made me realize that others, even the people in my administration, have lives, too.
But I couldn't help asking myself: What does drunkenly making out with Hillary have to do with reviving dinosaurs? Perhaps I'll never know!
